Hot rod hullabaloo

The expedition started out like so many others on a cold Saturday morning on the 21st of February at the Saskatoon International Airport, where the outside winds howled and the Saskatchewan winter air slapped and stung at exposed skin with the ferocity of a polar bear. “This time will be different” I thought as I made my way through security with my trusty side kick Nottonight. “This time I might get lucky” I said to myself as we boarded the plane.

Nottonight managed to get a seat by the window. With her limited command of English this would offer her some comfort as she could stare out the window as the drifts and fields of snow turned into lush tropical jungle. I first met Nottonight many years ago and after all these years she only speaks her name over and over again, except for the when she gets mad. I suspected a harsh childhood growing up on the west side as a little Hungarian girl with a fierce disposition.

The five and a half hour flight gave me time to reflect on my mission. I thought I was prepared for the heat, the jungle and the language barrier, but one never knows what lies ahead on new adventures. El Chupacabra was out there, and some how I felt he knew I was coming.

El Chupacabra is most commonly reported to be a reptile-like creature with pea-green skin, and sharp spines or quills running down along its back. The chupacabra is a two-legged animal, three to four feet tall. Many reports mention a strong, sulfuric odor that stings the air when the creature approaches, unlike other canines, the chupacabra is said to suck their prey's blood through one or two holes made by fangs, sharp claws, or even their sharp, barbed tongues.

Kind of like the band agent Rob Hodgins.

We landed late afternoon and quickly determined that the best plan of action would be to find lodging and a few cerveza.

All the planning in the world could not prepare me for what came next. Much has been written about El Chupacabra, but no where was there any mention of telepathy mind control.
It was about 2:30 in the afternoon, right in the middle of happy hour when I hired a local guide and asked “have you ever seen El Chupacabra?” He smiled, blushed then chuckled. I say again "you see Chupalita?" See, See he replies with a laugh, pointing off into the direction of the west.

I ask, can you take me there? Graciously he declines. I think to myself Yes! I am on to something! So I ask, where should I go? He replies "en la ciudad usted puede encontrar prostitutas, o ir a la playa nudista de Zipolite." It was at this point the I thought maybe something is wrong, or maybe this taxie driver has been drinking, or Maybe I was drinking...

I resigned myself to defeat against my game and it was decided to spend the rest of the time blending in with the tourists. This blood sucking little bastard has more tricks up his spiny hairless back bone than what we will ever know. Kind of like our old agent Rob Hodgins.

We hung around the resort for a few days enjoying the view

Safe above the village we were able to keep a watchful eye out for any signs of an attack. The locals tried not to talk about the beast that watches there every move, but the clues were every where. Here was a warning not to bend over or El Chupacabra will try to mate with you.

It was either that or "do not throw your old man into the pool" sign. You be the judge.

The temperature rose to excess of 45c for over 12 days in a row. I would joke with Nottonight that it was as hot out as she is tall.

It's hard to believe that in such a tranquil place the evil El Chup was always lurking. I realized his spy's were everywhere.

Again the last laugh was on him, as a parting gift my hairless Nemesis left a token of his appreciation, or maybe a warning to never return.

As I stepped out of the shower I was greeted with a Scorpion, poised for battle.

My instincts took over as I shouted a warning to Nottonight in order for her to take cover, I quickly grabbed a garbage can and trapped the venomous reptile of death to arrest any further movements and thus won the day.